A little rambling about why I’m here

I’ve waited a while for this little moment. I’ve been thinking about starting a blog for quite some time. It took some time for me to get here. At first, I thought to myself, does anyone even write or read blogs anymore? And honestly, I wasn’t too concerned about that because I figured whoever was meant to see it, would. What I was curious to know was what platforms were people using? I guess you could say I’m a little out of the loop when it comes to knowing exactly what’s going on here on the internet. I remember when we were using AIM & MySpace. Oh, have we come so far. Only for me to get lost along the way, even though I was born in the generation of the internet.

Anyway, I’m getting off topic, no surprise, though, really. So, I’ve made it this far. I found a platform, and I’m here today, writing my first post. I’ve always enjoyed writing as a way to express myself. It’s always been sort of therapeutic for me. I think it’s a great way to create some space, clear some things out, and get more clear on what it is that I am thinking or feeling. I’m a thinker. I think a lot, like it’s probably somewhere on the border of being slightly unhealthy at times. So, I believe that’s one of the reasons I enjoy writing. This is the first time that I am writing with the intention to share.

Another thing about me is that I tend to want to explain myself, or I feel the need to. Another thing that we could discuss but not a topic for right now. As far as explaining myself goes, I’m here today to talk a little bit about why I am here. Not that you asked, not that you need to know, not that there needs to be some deep meaning, but, to be fair, it’s me, so, who am I kidding?

A lot has happened since the first time I really thought about starting a blog. At first, I really felt compelled to speak, to share, and I just thought, how? Then I thought about writing, and as I mentioned before, I wasn’t really sure if that was something that people were still doing, turns out, I guess they are. It turns out, people don’t just watch reels! Isn’t that great? People still read! People still write! Now I’m totally being sarcastic, no judgement here. I’m actually learning how to make reels myself, and I’ll admit, it can be kind of fun.

So, if you knew me, you might know that I struggle with my mental health. And if you do know me, and you don’t know that, now you do. I have struggled with my mental health for pretty much as long as I can remember. I’m pretty sure I came into life questioning life. I’ve also experienced other peoples pain and suffering, some of which is similar to what I have gone through, some of which, is not. I’ve always craved that connection. The ability to help or heal others. Although, I do believe what they say about healing yourself first before you can heal others, I also believe that we are always learning, always healing from something. We are in a continuous cycle of healing, growing, and evolving.

I truly believe that God wants me to share my story. And that’s something very personal to me. We live in a time where so many different people exist, all of which have their own perspective on life, spirituality, and religion. If I had to try and explain my own personal perspective on those things, it would even be a little difficult for me. I believe anything is possible really, and yet, I still have my doubts. I still wonder, I still question things. But, if I am honest with myself, I know that I have faith. I have experienced some pretty strange, out of this world kind of things, that honestly, I feel like I’d have to be crazy, or in some seriously stubborn denial to not believe that there is more than the eye can see.

So, as I am, a thinker, and someone who does care what people think or feel, at the same time, there comes a point where you stop caring so much about what other people are going to think or feel because you are committed to yourself, your authenticity, your truth. So, that’s just it. I’m a very spiritual person, who was given a very logical thinking brain, so sometimes, it does feel like I’m always stuck in between knowing what is true in my heart and also wanting to rationalize everything, understand everything, and find some scientific truth to everything. Although personally, I think there is a connection between the spiritual world and the world of science. Another one of my opinions. Another conversation for another time. So, I feel like I’ve said a lot, and gone in many different directions already. I’m here because I felt called to share. I’ve spent most of my life keeping to myself and I intend on changing that. I’ve been through a lot in my life already and I would really love to use some of my experiences, the lessons I’ve learned, to create something good from something that at the time, felt pretty bad, something that could benefit others. Because if were not creating some sort of love, some sort of connection, then what are we here for?